make me believe

both papers i have taken so far were significantly
tougher than the previous years paper. i'd like to
ask my lecturers what do they want to achieve from
this?

sounds damn rude but really you dont know how
it is to slog and toil through the nights just to
study and then the paper crushes your every single
hope of doing well. it's relentless

and then because i try till the very last minute
by the end of every paper i get mindfucked and
thoroughly drained and WOW,next day
there's another paper.the same routine kicks in the
moment you finish the paper.go home study again.

i sincerely hope tmrw's aps paper would be of
manageable standards.

the only reason why im feeling so wonky about this
whole thing is cause i studied like a dog this exam.
i've never went on such hardcore mug mode before
and since there's more input output should increase
too right? hell, no.

i really need something to tell me that my efforts
are going to pay off for tmrw's paper.i've been
at war with myself for the past week or so pushing
myself like crap to study and i've always chose
study over rest.please tell me its all worth it? :(

extremely heart brokened.my lecturers scam me one.